December 1st 2015 No comments yet
It is said that people walk like they drive. You can certainly get a good feel for one’s automotive habits at the grocery store with cart in hand, from the use of sudden brakes to grab a box of crackers to the failure to yield right-of-way to traffic rolling out of the baking aisle. Highway habits permeate our behaviors daily. So what happens when we come to church? I have made a list of potential vehicular parallels to our church-going ways.
The Lane Changer. This person can be found drifting from aisle to aisle, looking for the right seat. Potentially looking for sufficient leg room, proximity to exit, and good view of full choir.
The “Look” Giver. This person is not pleased with your rustling attempts to find a pen or occasional foot tapping during service. Just as this person would pull next to you after a minor gaffe on the highway, expect some leaning and at least a three-second stare—from as far as five seats away.
The Rage Driver. This person loves Revelation. Bring the judgment.
The “My Brother’s an Officer” Sharer. Someone in this person’s life went to seminary, and he wants you to know it by the historical biblical facts he shares on a frequent basis. Breakdown of the first churches and ancient map references may follow.
The Navigator. Parking’s no trouble, because this person knows what time the southwest lots fill, and how quick to exit Parkwood after service to get to La Madeleine on time for lunch.
The Errand Runner. This person has the itinerary down to the smoothest possible level of efficiency. Is often seen carrying doughnuts for Bible study group while saving six seats in the Worship Center.
The Broken Blinkers. Who knows where these people are going? They aren’t sure, either.
The Stoplight Afficianado. This person could somehow prepare a gourmet pizza in her glove compartment during a red light and still not stall traffic. How she manages to get her kids to multiple rooms without having to chase at least one is awe-inspiring.
The Radio Blaster. No matter the music genre or song, this person knows the words and is always happy to sing along. Air guitar or drums could be a hidden bonus.
Our church is a superhighway of languages, backgrounds, and behaviors. And as funny as it is (at least for me) to draw parallels to something as pedestrian as driving a car, I’m always left amazed that we can be brought together for worship, for something that is greater than ourselves, on a weekly basis.
Seriously, though, you really need to start using your blinker.
Written by Susan Jacobson.
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